Okay, we're sitting on hold waiting for the call to start. HP is playing the most depressing possible music here -- lonely delay steel guitar. Somewhere Jon Rubinstein is walking alone on a beach, wondering when we'll all have a margarita once again.
Okay, here we go -- things are starting. Q&A at the end, that should be... fun.
Steve Fieler, HP VP of Investor Relations, on the line. CEO
Leo Apotheker and Cathy Lesjak, HP CFO, on as well.
Fieler running down the usual SEC-required disclaimers.
Leo on the line. "By now, you seen all of today's announcements.... today is all about driving shareholder value, and transforming HP for the future."
"These are tough decisions. There are four elements to the path."
"First, sector trends impacting PSG as consumers change habits. The tablet effect is real, and sales of the TouchPad are not meeting expectations."
"We see a way for PSG to compete and win.
" Talking about options, including spinoff or sale.
"Second, our enterprise service business needs to be reshaped."
"Third, there are tactical issues that we are facing. We are confronting the challenge of the Japanese earthquake on our printer business."
"Fourth, we must address the needs of our customers, which we are accelerating with the acquisition of autonomy."
"There is a clear movement on the consumer PC space... the tablet effect is real. The TouchPad is not gaining enough traction in the marketplace. Our PC business needs the flexibility to make its own decisions."
"We intend to evaluate a range of options including a spinoff... we anticipate this will take 12-18 months. In the meantime we will remained focused."
"We have been tracking webOS... we were successful at launching the software, but we are exploring options to leverage the software in the future. However, our devices were not successful.
Due to market conditions, continuing to execute in this market space no longer makes sense for HP's shareholders."
Device shutdown coming in Q4.
Talking about using cloud, industry solutions, and analytics to grow enterprise.
Appointing a new VP of Enterprise Services, reporting directly to Leo.
"We must address some of the tactical challenges facing our business. HP's Itanium-based servers are the best in the industry."
"We are doing everything we can, including pursuing legal action, to prevent Oracle's anti-competitive actions."
"I think HP has done a good job in addressing the Japanese crisis."
"Fourth, I'd like to discuss our move to drive more value-added IP into our portfolio. We laid out a vision in March, and I'm convinced it's the right one."
Talking about previous acquisitions.
To recap thus far: Leo's
spent three minutes killing PSG and webOS, and the rest of the time talking about the importance of enterprise.
"Today we announce the terms of a recommended transaction in which HP will acquire all of the shares of Autonomy."
"We expect to complete the acquisition of Autonomy by the end of calendar year 2011."
"Autonomy's intelligent data automation layer is a de facto standard, and is supported by strong IP."
Talking about how great Autonomy is. HP is now all enterprise, all the time.
Leo's talking about how HP's software unit has been successful this year. Yeah, except for those webOS guys. Remember that software?
Leo's really pumped about Autonomy. They are definitely the new favorites. Palm is so last year. Literally.
"I know our investors don't like being in this position, and neither do I. I feel their pain."
"I'm taking ownership for these decisions."
Cathy Lesjak on the line now, to talk about the numbers.
She's just rattling off the financial numbers from the earnings reports -- no blockbusters here.
PSG remains the number one PC business, but was down 3 percent for the year. Operating profits were up, though.
"About a year ago, we made a bet on webOS. At that time we set clear metrics and milestones to measure success. The sellthough of the TouchPad was not what we expected. Our expectation was to establish TouchPad as the clear number 2 platform in tablets."
"It was clear that pricing parity would not generate demand, and we cut prices by $100."
"WebOS would require significant investments over the next five years, generating risk without clear rewards."
That was harsh.
On to printing now, with nary a pause for breath. This is ice cold.
Listening to montone printer division results after hearing webOS get eviscerated is like some kind of terrible nightmare.
Lesjak just said something about the "accelerature of HRO runoff." This is getting super dry.
Talking enterprise server results. Blaming Oracle for canceled orders.
"We are expanding our presence in core data center enterprises." This isn't exactly exciting.
Talking about the bottom line financials now -- cash flow, dividends, etc.
We're basically biding our time until the Q&A -- really hoping someone asks about licensing webOS.
